I’m not a Crabbuckit.

“I always wondered why my grandmother use to say “Guyanese people are crabs in a barrel” Thanks I now understand.”

I have work at 5am. I couldn’t sleep last night because I had a huge weight of mindless worry which kept me awake for hours, just waiting to fall asleep. I should be heading to bed right now, I’m beat, but I can’t. I just got called a “crab in a barrel” and frankly, I’m pissed off and annoyed more than anything. If I tried to hit my pillow now I would be giving myself even more reason to stay awake worrying about the fact that someone thinks I tried to hurt an individual to get ahead.

In February, I was asked to do an article about an aspiring Guyanese rapper trying to get his music out into the community. I found out a few unsatisfactory things but I was very generous in the article. I said good things about him. I’m not a fan of his music and I don’t agree with the messages he’s trying to push, but I looked beyond that and tried to help him out as much as possible. Help him get ahead by trying to get others to perhaps look him up on YouTube or search around for his CD. This is what I wholeheartedly tried to do. His manager, who I’m confident is a family member, thinks otherwise. Instead, she sent an e-mail to me today with the above message. Writing from within my community has backfired and now someone thinks I’m just another crab in the bucket–clawing away at the others, risking hurting them, just to get out, to get to the top, to get ahead.

I don’t have a crab mentality. I’ve never looked for fame and even if I did, I’m very, very far from it. I gained nothing from writing that article other than some experience on a new subject and a humble, little paycheck. Those two things I consider far more important than what they think I’m after. I’ve never tried to hurt anyone. I always thought it would be nice to be a voice for my community. To be someone who can articulate, to the best of my ability if given the medium (which working for this wonderful newspaper has allowed me), the richness and depth of my Indo-Caribbean community. As a manager, they should be the last person sending out insulting hate mail to someone from the media. I could easily publish names and the article, but I’m not hurtful. I wouldn’t do that. Instead, I’ll call this person at a godly hour so we can discuss it as adults and avoid this destructive pattern of name-calling which could very easily ensue.

THE ONLY PERSON WHO I COMPETE WITH IS MYSELF. EVERYDAY I NEED TO BE BETTER THAN WHO I WAS THE DAY BEFORE. DOING THAT AT THE EXPENSE OF ANOTHER IS NOT ON MY AGENDA.

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